My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
