you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
