those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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