So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
