Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
