Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
God, I missed his penis.
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