During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
