I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
