my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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