going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
be right there i have to get my cape
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
