Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
