Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Randomize
