we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
After tacos, we're chasing women.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Randomize
