He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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