Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
