im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Randomize
