ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
