Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize
