Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
