when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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