I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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