At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
