Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
