She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
