is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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