u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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