Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
