Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Randomize
