I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
