the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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