Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
