I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
