You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I just want to make out with him forever
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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