I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
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