1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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