Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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