Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
