I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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