woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
