I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
