I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
