my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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