I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
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