I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
