im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
