All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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