A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I cannot find my penis.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
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