Heybabeimwearingurpanties
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
