my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
