If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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