Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
