Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
