imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
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