I am full of burrito and curiosity
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
